Introspection is a curious thing
by M.M. Lewis, January 2004

        Introspection is a curious thing. One those personality tests, I’m always classified as an introvert, but how well do I really know myself? How does one go about getting to know oneself? And why is it possible for me to pour out on paper feelings I wasn’t aware I had? I don’t have a magic pen, or enchanted paper, but there must be something that allows me to look inside without meaning to. What I need to do is learn how to understand what I write.

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Alright Mika, it’s time to take Socrates’ advice. “The unexamined life is not worth living,” he says, and I need to figure out who I am. I need to find myself.
        Why do I write? I suppose it’s the best way for me to express how I feel. Some pieces I’ve done are great insights into a Mika buried under layers and layers of facades. Other times I write stories; is there part of me in them? The David story isn’t about Mika, but it helps me examine how I might react or how I think other people might interact. My short prose is sometimes based on curiosity, trying to put myself into a fictional situation and watch what happens as I let [ ]. Other times I write to release bits of my mind, to tie down my random thoughts and put them into a logical flow. Do I write for someone else? Am I attempting to show others how I think, how I feel?
        Why do I shield myself? What am I hiding myself for? Ryan told me that the world needs to know more about the real Mika, and Ammon said he doesn’t understand why I’ve got so many barriers up. What do I think would be the problem in opening my heart? I guess before that I should figure out exactly what these barriers are.